Witty jingles and catch phrases make me cringe

This observation is sparked by something that happened to me back in June. On my last day of finals for the Summer session I had some time to kill between tests so I decided to enjoy a sandwich from Subway, a place that knows how to build something closely resembling a manly sandwich. I was in line behind what I believe to be quite possibly the two most irritating people I have ever encountered. These assholes make the customers I am forced to deal with on a daily basis look like scholars.

The first clown was a Caucasian male in his 40's, weighing in at probably somewhere between 240 and 250 pounds. What irked me about this guy was that he is the pickiest fat man I have ever seen when it comes to constructing a sandwich. He would freak out if the person making his sandwich would go anywhere near the end piece of a tomato. Honestly, who cares? A tomato is a tomato. It isn't like they are that good on subs anyway. If you don't want the end piece use my method, pass on the tomato. He was also very particular on how much of each condiment went on, and the quantity of salt and pepper. Pack your own lunch next time and stop ruining my life, asshole.

While all of this was going on, and I was quickly reaching irate status, the next lady, who was probably in her late 30's to early 40's, and was of African American descent, was prancing and dancing and repeatedly singing the "5 dollar foot long" jingle. Shut the hell up. Chances are the person who works there hates their job and they probably hate you too. Whenever you are buying something or being served by somebody in some way or other the safest assumption for you to make is that they probably hate you. Don't prance, dance, and sing the jingle of the place that has them imprisoned. If they are anything like me they are homicidal at work, and possibly even suicidal depending on the day, and don't need to be reminded that they are in their shit hole place of employment. Have some compassion, pricks. The worst part about this is that this lady thought she was being witty or something, which brings me to my next point.

You aren't funny. When you go somewhere, don't joke with the person that is waiting on you. I am going to let you in on a little secret. They have already heard the joke you just told, probably 5 or so times that day already. Classic examples include but are not limited to the old "you missed a spot" when somebody is mopping or wiping something down. This is not funny. If you tell me how to do my job I will proceed to bust you one in the chops. Another one that makes me cringe is one something won't properly ring up and the comedian customer informs me that it must be free. Very original, halfwit. Not only have I heard this hundreds of times, it also implies that you have no problem stealing, in which case we don't want your kind in the store, and I am sure the same goes for any other self respecting business.



I hate 7-Elevens corporate phrase "Thank heaven for 7-Eleven." Yes, one day the Creator was sitting around and was probably thinking "Adam really blew it when he ate that apple, but that doesn't mean that all of human kind should suffer. I won't return them to Eden, but I will give them the next best thing, 7-Eleven."

I also hate Subway's "Eat fresh" phrase. If by fresh you mean delivered off the truck frozen and slaughtered God knows how long ago. Have you ever heard of false advertisement?

"It just works," from Apple Computers. Is that why they have a service crew on staff in every Apple Store?

There are a slew of other catch phrases that anger me buy why go into them? Just follow these simple rules. Go into your place of purchase, buy what you need, and get out. Note how nowhere in there did I say to talk to your cashier or try to joke with them.