Keeping in mind that I hate Sunday's because we sell a ton of newspapers (people who buy newspapers are assholes. They don't have to speak to you, and if there is a line I guess they have the right to cut in front of everybody, power bomb their money onto the counter, and run out before you can say anything to them). We will just call the customer I am speaking of Large Richard, because he was a dickhead. With that said the following incident ensues:
Me: Hello
Large Richard: Hi (walks over to newspapers) You don't have the Detroit News?
Me: Sir, the Detroit News does not put out a Sunday paper
Large Richard: Since when?!?!?!
Me: Probably about 3 or 4 years.
Large Richard: (approaches counter and pays, then begins to walk out but realizes he wants a Macomb Daily too) I will get a Macomb Daily too.
Me: Okay. $1.50 please
Large Richard: It's $1.50? $.50 more than the Free Press?
Me: Yes
Large Richard: That's fucking bullshit. (hands me a $5.00 bill)
Me: Okay sir.
Large Richard: Oh, I found $1.50. Is that okay or will it screw you up?
It is at this point that I am getting pissed. You can come in and act like a douchebag, but when you question my mathematical skills, it is fucking on. You see the rage? This man has me swearing in the context that is not a direct quote. Anyway, the transaction continues.
Me: No sir, luckily in my college coursework I have acquired basic math skills.
Large Richard: (scoffs) A lot of good that has done you. You work at 7-Eleven. (Proceeds to laugh at me and walks out)
When people talk to anybody, not just me, in this manner, I would love nothing more than to knock their teeth down their throats. What gives anybody the right to go around treating others like dirt? Take a look at yourself. People who frequent convenient stores are lowlife scum, and they have the audacity to pass a judgment on anybody? My advice: Go drive your car into a tree you piece of shit.
22 February 2009
21 February 2009
Spring Break
This week it is "Spring" Break at Oakland University. Really? Did they miss that today is February 21? Who wants a Spring break in mid-February? Thanks a lot Oakland. While most universities get a break later when the weather is less miserable, I get snowstorms and below freezing temperatures.
You people are geniuses. These are the same people who pride themselves on never closing the school down because of weather related problems. Basically they pride themselves for their own stupidity. "Our arrogance and stubbornness caused only 3 students to die in car accidents this year, let's go cash our paychecks that we don't deserve, toast one another, and drunkenly enact some more halfwitted policies."
These morons make a lot of money. The only people who deserve less money than these people are assembly line workers, who in my opinion are skilled enough to make around $10 an hour, but let's bring down the Big 3 with our greed.
Here is my suggestion to the people who come up with the ideas at Oakland University. Sit at your desk and bash your brain against the table until something useful comes out. Good luck.
You people are geniuses. These are the same people who pride themselves on never closing the school down because of weather related problems. Basically they pride themselves for their own stupidity. "Our arrogance and stubbornness caused only 3 students to die in car accidents this year, let's go cash our paychecks that we don't deserve, toast one another, and drunkenly enact some more halfwitted policies."
These morons make a lot of money. The only people who deserve less money than these people are assembly line workers, who in my opinion are skilled enough to make around $10 an hour, but let's bring down the Big 3 with our greed.
Here is my suggestion to the people who come up with the ideas at Oakland University. Sit at your desk and bash your brain against the table until something useful comes out. Good luck.
18 February 2009
A shoutout to the average white middle class teenager who thinks he is awesome(and some adults who need to grow up too)
A common sight in Michigan is the pickup truck. This is a manly vehicle known for its large size as well as its ability to mow over things with relative ease. It is often said of a man who drives a pickup truck "the bigger the truck, the smaller the penis." I would tend to agree with this theory for the most part, unless you are a blue collar working man who needs to haul goods from point A to point B, or you on occasion need to haul a camper or a trailer around. Under these circumstances it is perfectly acceptable for one to utilize the services that are offered by a truck.
What is not acceptable is buying a large truck for the sake of driving something large. Trying to overcompensate for something? I think so. Furthermore it is not acceptable to drive like an asshole simply because you are bigger than everybody. One time while commuting on the highway to school, there is a spot where the highway goes from three lanes to two. Everyday while taking this commute I am held up in a traffic jam because of a failure to merge in a timely manner. Even though the majority of those commuting on said highway utilize it every single day, the fact that the lanes merge from three lanes to two seems to come as an incredible surprise, thus causing a backup. The other problem is that sometimes the people who do not merge use the last few moments of the extra lane to speed up and cut everybody off. I hate this. I would love nothing more than for somebody who does this to me to one day have the same destination as I do, and when we meet face to face I will commence to bash their head against the pavement until the blood pours out of their ears. On this day whilst on my commute, I witnessed a Dodge Ram pickup truck sitting in both lanes so that nobody could drive around and cut everybody off. While this move was heroic in my mind, this guy is clearly an asshole, who would likely piss me off at some point later because eventually his true colors will show, revealing to the world the douchebag that he is.
What I hate more than the pickup truck driver who conducts himself both on the road and in person who is an asshole superior to everybody (let's face it, nobody even comes close to ascending to my own level of awesomeness), is the punk teenager or adult who needs to grow up who thinks that it is wicked awesome to modify his truck. We all know the type. This is the type of asshole who thinks that it is cool to turn his pickup truck into a low rider. Upon converting this machine into a ghetto cruiser that sits an inch off of the ground, the next step is to get the windows tinted so that nobody can see in or out. I am sure the cops who risk their lives everyday really appreciate this when they have to approach your vehicle upon pulling you over for conducting yourself like the degenerate moron that you are. By now you are likely shaking your head in disgust, as I know I am. What is next you ask? Enter the obnoxious sound system. This is the type of sound system that utilizes a bass unit that overpowers everything to the point where you cannot hear anything but bass. You can not hear lyrics, musical instruments, shitty sounds produced in studio by a keyboard or some other device, nothing, period, end of story, aside from an obnoxious thudding that will wake the neighbors when you pull into your neighborhood after a night of pot smoking, drinking, and undoubted womanizing.
If you are this type of person have somebody punch you square in the mouth for being such an inconsiderate prick. Adding insult to injury the next step in converting your truck into a mobile of true ass kickery is putting shiny rims on your truck. Why would you do this? Pickup trucks were made to be driven by men who need to get things done. They were not intended to be driven by crybaby upper middle class white teenagers who had their car and all of their "kickass" mods paid for by mommy and daddy. My advice: get a job, and get a car that is more suited for you. I would recommend the v6 Ford Mustang, which is even more of a piece of shit than you are.
What is not acceptable is buying a large truck for the sake of driving something large. Trying to overcompensate for something? I think so. Furthermore it is not acceptable to drive like an asshole simply because you are bigger than everybody. One time while commuting on the highway to school, there is a spot where the highway goes from three lanes to two. Everyday while taking this commute I am held up in a traffic jam because of a failure to merge in a timely manner. Even though the majority of those commuting on said highway utilize it every single day, the fact that the lanes merge from three lanes to two seems to come as an incredible surprise, thus causing a backup. The other problem is that sometimes the people who do not merge use the last few moments of the extra lane to speed up and cut everybody off. I hate this. I would love nothing more than for somebody who does this to me to one day have the same destination as I do, and when we meet face to face I will commence to bash their head against the pavement until the blood pours out of their ears. On this day whilst on my commute, I witnessed a Dodge Ram pickup truck sitting in both lanes so that nobody could drive around and cut everybody off. While this move was heroic in my mind, this guy is clearly an asshole, who would likely piss me off at some point later because eventually his true colors will show, revealing to the world the douchebag that he is.
What I hate more than the pickup truck driver who conducts himself both on the road and in person who is an asshole superior to everybody (let's face it, nobody even comes close to ascending to my own level of awesomeness), is the punk teenager or adult who needs to grow up who thinks that it is wicked awesome to modify his truck. We all know the type. This is the type of asshole who thinks that it is cool to turn his pickup truck into a low rider. Upon converting this machine into a ghetto cruiser that sits an inch off of the ground, the next step is to get the windows tinted so that nobody can see in or out. I am sure the cops who risk their lives everyday really appreciate this when they have to approach your vehicle upon pulling you over for conducting yourself like the degenerate moron that you are. By now you are likely shaking your head in disgust, as I know I am. What is next you ask? Enter the obnoxious sound system. This is the type of sound system that utilizes a bass unit that overpowers everything to the point where you cannot hear anything but bass. You can not hear lyrics, musical instruments, shitty sounds produced in studio by a keyboard or some other device, nothing, period, end of story, aside from an obnoxious thudding that will wake the neighbors when you pull into your neighborhood after a night of pot smoking, drinking, and undoubted womanizing.
If you are this type of person have somebody punch you square in the mouth for being such an inconsiderate prick. Adding insult to injury the next step in converting your truck into a mobile of true ass kickery is putting shiny rims on your truck. Why would you do this? Pickup trucks were made to be driven by men who need to get things done. They were not intended to be driven by crybaby upper middle class white teenagers who had their car and all of their "kickass" mods paid for by mommy and daddy. My advice: get a job, and get a car that is more suited for you. I would recommend the v6 Ford Mustang, which is even more of a piece of shit than you are.
Typical Work Day Correction
As Matt pointed out not every single person that comes in is an asshole. Sometimes I am in fact graced by friends, and occasionally a quality human being comes through that door, thus reasserting my faith in humanity (which is not much, but something is better than nothing). When I ask these people how they are doing they give me a thought out response that is not a variety of cigarette, or demand to know if it is too early to buy beer (Hint: if it is before noon it is too early, and even that is really pushing it).
17 February 2009
A Typical day at Work
As many may know I work at a convenience store. The meat of my writing will come in my rantings about this hell hole that provides me (by me I of course mean Oakland University) with money.
The typical day begins with me waking up at 6 a.m. cussing out my alarm clock, wishing I could find just about any rational excuse that would enable me to call off of work. Upon arriving at work I get to enjoy my tyrant of a manager proclaiming that so and so is a lazy "cocksucking son of a bitch piece of shit" (pause here for a moment to enjoy that this trash gets paid more than I do) because they forgot to accomplish whatever menial task the evening called for. I then spend at least the next hour contemplating why I have to hear this filth spewed from my manager's foul orifice.
Then the rest of the day is spent being talked down to by condescending alcoholic white trash. When I say alcoholic I am not talking about the kind of people who have a beer everyday. I am talking about losers who show up at 7 a.m. (for those of you who are not familiar with Michigan law, this is the earliest that one can acquire beer) shaking and demanding to know if the beer cooler is unlocked. Beyond the manager with psychotic tendencies (I once took a 100 level psychology class, so naturally this gives me the right to diagnose her problems, thus undermining an entire category of study and a field that is being viewed as a science more and more) and the raging alcoholics, there is an even worse evil that frequents the store at which I work.
This evil is none other than the lotto pest. This variety of a loser is the type that gambles every day, and swears at you when you refuse to punch in lotto numbers for them. This is my right, as being the elitist that I am I know that I am superior to them, and if one wishes to take a more childish approach, my boss (not my manager Lucifer, who shall henceforth be referred to as Lucy, but the owner, and man who pays me) said so!
There is but one more type of asshole for us all to get acquainted with, so that we may all understand my future rants. This asshole is the average customer. The type that when you say "Hi, how are you today?" responds with "Marlboro Menthol Lights." "Really? You're Marlboro Menthol Lights today? I'm feeling pretty Salem Slim Lights 100's myself, thanks for asking." This is the type of customer who while uneducated, and probably unemployed, thinks that they are too good to hand you the money. They opt for the much more rational approach of throwing it on the counter, and then cry when you present their change back to them in the same manner in which it was given to you.
With this information the stage is set for the world to enjoy how much people really suck. Actually, does anybody know if there is a way that I can classify this blog as a Self Improvement Blog? By reading it one can ascertain the proper course to take so that they do not become an asshole.
The typical day begins with me waking up at 6 a.m. cussing out my alarm clock, wishing I could find just about any rational excuse that would enable me to call off of work. Upon arriving at work I get to enjoy my tyrant of a manager proclaiming that so and so is a lazy "cocksucking son of a bitch piece of shit" (pause here for a moment to enjoy that this trash gets paid more than I do) because they forgot to accomplish whatever menial task the evening called for. I then spend at least the next hour contemplating why I have to hear this filth spewed from my manager's foul orifice.
Then the rest of the day is spent being talked down to by condescending alcoholic white trash. When I say alcoholic I am not talking about the kind of people who have a beer everyday. I am talking about losers who show up at 7 a.m. (for those of you who are not familiar with Michigan law, this is the earliest that one can acquire beer) shaking and demanding to know if the beer cooler is unlocked. Beyond the manager with psychotic tendencies (I once took a 100 level psychology class, so naturally this gives me the right to diagnose her problems, thus undermining an entire category of study and a field that is being viewed as a science more and more) and the raging alcoholics, there is an even worse evil that frequents the store at which I work.
This evil is none other than the lotto pest. This variety of a loser is the type that gambles every day, and swears at you when you refuse to punch in lotto numbers for them. This is my right, as being the elitist that I am I know that I am superior to them, and if one wishes to take a more childish approach, my boss (not my manager Lucifer, who shall henceforth be referred to as Lucy, but the owner, and man who pays me) said so!
There is but one more type of asshole for us all to get acquainted with, so that we may all understand my future rants. This asshole is the average customer. The type that when you say "Hi, how are you today?" responds with "Marlboro Menthol Lights." "Really? You're Marlboro Menthol Lights today? I'm feeling pretty Salem Slim Lights 100's myself, thanks for asking." This is the type of customer who while uneducated, and probably unemployed, thinks that they are too good to hand you the money. They opt for the much more rational approach of throwing it on the counter, and then cry when you present their change back to them in the same manner in which it was given to you.
With this information the stage is set for the world to enjoy how much people really suck. Actually, does anybody know if there is a way that I can classify this blog as a Self Improvement Blog? By reading it one can ascertain the proper course to take so that they do not become an asshole.
Welcome all
Greetings to all. Those of you who know me will know that I people generally disgust me. In my day to day life I have the opportunity to interact with these aforementioned hated people. From time to time the language of this blog may become a little colorful, so I would urge that if you have a problem with that you should probably refrain from reading. Know that these are not the words that frequent my own vocabulary, but those of the mental midgets with whom I interact on a daily basis. I look forward to sharing some of my experiences with you all in the very near future.
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