Today I went to an advising appointment at school. The bottom line is that in one year I will be able to graduate, which will mean I knocked out my Bachelor's Degree in 3 years. Awesome! With this accomplishment I feel that is time to move on. Thus, like many who have a half way functioning brain, I shall be moving out of Michigan. This was a tough decision. I have spent my entire life here. Everything I have come to know and love is here in Michigan.
Things that I will miss include but are not limited to:
My family: Nothing like living in a house where both of your parents smoke and you never get to breathe in halfway decent air. I also love the way it makes my clothes, and even my hair smell. I would rather take a bath in sewage than spend any more of my life breathing in the cigarette smoke and having all of my belongings smell. (If you ever read this mom and dad, I love you both, even if you are smokers, and don't worry, I'll come visit, and I'll even let you see your grandchildren provided you do not smoke around them.
The highest unemployment rate in the nation:
I believe this month's unemployment rate is something like 12.8 percent. Nothing makes me more exuberant than the thought of such a large number of people being unemployed. What is awesome about this is if I were to find a job chances are I'd probably be laid off after not too long anyway, probably shortly after I committed to a house. Then I could experience the pleasure of losing my home just like everybody else! Yay!
My convenience store job:
As much as I love my job where people speak to me like I am some sort of vermin or insect all day, I am afraid it is nearly time to move on. Other things I will miss is the shitty schedule. There is nothing better than getting off at 11:00 pm, and returning to work at 7:00 the next morning, except for getting off at 7:00 in the morning and returning at 3:00 pm. I will also miss the occasionally lazy coworkers (those of my coworkers that read this, I am not talking about you, it's the one's who can't read this that are getting called out, plus if I think you're lazy, I'll tell you to your face). There is nothing better than doing 99 percent of all of the work, leaving one really meaningless task to someone, and then finding out that they couldn't even handle that. Awesome!
The wonderful people that Michigan has to offer:
As mentioned before, 12.8 percent unemployment. How joyful do you think people are really going to be? I don't care if you lost your job, you do not need to take it out on me, just because I have one, however crappy as it may be.
The Big 3:
While I will miss the Big 3, and more specifically the UAW who isn't at all selfish. Drive three powerhouse corporations out of business and suddenly everybody is out to get you. I understand and appreciate you for what you are UAW. It is the right of every uneducated worker to have ridiculously awesome benefits, spend their shift avoiding the boss so that they will not be told to do any work, and when out of work for various reasons, to still collect 80 percent of your pay. What is unfair about that?
The wonderful public university system:
This one is a big one for me. When I reach my new home state naturally I will be taking graduate courses. What really pisses me off is that these graduate courses will cost less than my undergraduate courses here in Michigan costed me, because our lovely state doesn't believe in funding the university system, whereas other states actually care. I think that is ridiculous. Why should I pay less when I could pay more in a great state like Michigan, where it will be impossible to pay off my student loans because I won't be able to find a job. The government here has just done so well.
22 May 2009
08 May 2009
Ryan pisses off street rat....hilarity ensues
So last weekend I am working, because I sell all of my free time on the weekends to the man, and I am down the candy aisle ordering candy, when in comes this cockroach that I have previously banned from the store. He starts giving my coworker a hard time about something, and this it is at this point that hilarity ensues.
Me: You aren't even allowed in here man.
Roach: (Ignores me)
Me: You need to get the hell out!
Roach: What the fuck is your fuckin' problem man. I will come over there and hit you in the fuckin' face asshole, you can't fuckin' talk to me like that.
Me: You know you aren't allowed in here, maybe it is your intelligent language choice that got you banned from the store in the first place. (along with his nasty bottles that are full of what I assume to be fecal matter and heaven only knows what other types of disease.)
Roach: I'll kick your fuckin' ass!
Me: Whatever man, I get off in a half hour if you want to meet me around back, or you could just do it here, prosecuting you will be fun.
Roach: (gathers his stuff and leaves, sends white trash girlfriend in a few minutes later with nasty bottles)
Me: if those are dirty I'm not accepting them.
White trash girl: (ignores me, similar to her winner boyfriend who has no aspirations in life other than returning bottles so he can go buy a blunt wrap across the street) (finishes counting her bottles and asks me to throw the bag in the garbage, which is caked in disgusting materials)
Me: I am not touching that thing, it's disgusting.
White trash girl: Is there a manager here I can speak to? You're rude.
Me: I am the manager in charge at this time, did you have a problem?
White trash girl: (Jaw drops) You're the manager? Is there another one here I can talk to?
Coworker: Yeah, me, what is your problem?
White trash girl: He is rude!
Coworker: No he's not, you are. We don't take filthy bottles and you can throw your own trash away.
White trash girl: Whatever! Just pay me my money!
Coworker: Get in line like everybody else.
This is the kind of crap I deal with regularly. There is nothing better than being talked down to by somebody who will never accomplish anything in life. How do these mental midgets even manage remembering to breathe?
Me: You aren't even allowed in here man.
Roach: (Ignores me)
Me: You need to get the hell out!
Roach: What the fuck is your fuckin' problem man. I will come over there and hit you in the fuckin' face asshole, you can't fuckin' talk to me like that.
Me: You know you aren't allowed in here, maybe it is your intelligent language choice that got you banned from the store in the first place. (along with his nasty bottles that are full of what I assume to be fecal matter and heaven only knows what other types of disease.)
Roach: I'll kick your fuckin' ass!
Me: Whatever man, I get off in a half hour if you want to meet me around back, or you could just do it here, prosecuting you will be fun.
Roach: (gathers his stuff and leaves, sends white trash girlfriend in a few minutes later with nasty bottles)
Me: if those are dirty I'm not accepting them.
White trash girl: (ignores me, similar to her winner boyfriend who has no aspirations in life other than returning bottles so he can go buy a blunt wrap across the street) (finishes counting her bottles and asks me to throw the bag in the garbage, which is caked in disgusting materials)
Me: I am not touching that thing, it's disgusting.
White trash girl: Is there a manager here I can speak to? You're rude.
Me: I am the manager in charge at this time, did you have a problem?
White trash girl: (Jaw drops) You're the manager? Is there another one here I can talk to?
Coworker: Yeah, me, what is your problem?
White trash girl: He is rude!
Coworker: No he's not, you are. We don't take filthy bottles and you can throw your own trash away.
White trash girl: Whatever! Just pay me my money!
Coworker: Get in line like everybody else.
This is the kind of crap I deal with regularly. There is nothing better than being talked down to by somebody who will never accomplish anything in life. How do these mental midgets even manage remembering to breathe?
05 May 2009
Top 10 things customers do that piss me off
10. Come in the store: I know we are trying to run a business, and in order for that business to thrive we need customers, but no, stay out. I do not care if my boss, goes of business or if I lose my job, as I really don't value it that much. There are a million other convenience stores out there if I want to make quick easy money by dealing with a bunch of assholes I hate and working shitty hours.
9. Buying beer and cigarettes and then telling their children they don't have money to buy them a candy bar: Good parenting asshole. Did you learn that in a class for parental improvement or did you come up with that technique all on your own?
8. Listing off lottery numbers like I give a shit: "Hello, how are you today?" "6-24-3...." SHUT THE HELL UP!
7. I hate it when customers tell me that the cappuccino machine is empty or take it upon themselves to make a pot of coffee for me: I think I know how to do my job, so don't do any part of it for me, or come into the store and insinuate that one of my tasks is not done correctly, because you can rest assured that it is.
6. I am mopping the floor and the customer informs me that I missed a spot: That is not funny. I have heard that joke a million times before. You are not clever, witty, humorous, or intelligent. Eat shit.
5. Bring in bottle returns: I understand that since we charge a deposit we are obligated to take bottles back, and that it is your right to bring them back. I must ask though, what kind of failure takes their filthy bottles back, makes a clerk sort through them, all so they can buy something from a convenience store (usually beer, cigarettes, lottery, or a blunt wrap). Get a job limpdick.
4. Customers who buy newspapers: In my experience these are the rudest of all customers. They think that it is acceptable to throw their money on the counter without me ringing up the product. They also feel that they do not need to wait in line like everybody else because they just have a newspaper. I don't know where this behavior is acceptable, but I will hunt you down and gut you. This group is usually old people. Old people shouldn't be allowed to leave the house.
3. Women who complain when they aren't carded for an age restricted purchase: you are old. It is inevitable that you have to accept this at some point. Chances are you have children who are old enough to drink, so shut the hell up and quit your bitching.
2. People who ask for a receipt: I tell them the price of their purchase and they sarcastically request a receipt. They then stand there holding up everybody else's day trying to decipher their receipt like it is the goddamn Rosetta Stone.
1. People who question anything I tell them: When I am working I am the one running the shift. What I say goes. I am in charge, end of discussion. Do not argue with me. Don't even speak to me. You have better things to do, such as wrapping your car around a tree.
Bonus peeve that is semi related to the newspaper people: Anybody who comes in, gets what they want to purchase, and throws their money on the counter of the register that I am not working at, while I am waiting on a line of people. They proceed to inform me that they are in a hurry. Here's an idea. Realize that the world does not revolve around you. Allow yourself a little more time to get where you need to go, or if you are running late, don't make an extra stop that you don't need to make. News flash: cigarettes and coffee are not necessities.
9. Buying beer and cigarettes and then telling their children they don't have money to buy them a candy bar: Good parenting asshole. Did you learn that in a class for parental improvement or did you come up with that technique all on your own?
8. Listing off lottery numbers like I give a shit: "Hello, how are you today?" "6-24-3...." SHUT THE HELL UP!
7. I hate it when customers tell me that the cappuccino machine is empty or take it upon themselves to make a pot of coffee for me: I think I know how to do my job, so don't do any part of it for me, or come into the store and insinuate that one of my tasks is not done correctly, because you can rest assured that it is.
6. I am mopping the floor and the customer informs me that I missed a spot: That is not funny. I have heard that joke a million times before. You are not clever, witty, humorous, or intelligent. Eat shit.
5. Bring in bottle returns: I understand that since we charge a deposit we are obligated to take bottles back, and that it is your right to bring them back. I must ask though, what kind of failure takes their filthy bottles back, makes a clerk sort through them, all so they can buy something from a convenience store (usually beer, cigarettes, lottery, or a blunt wrap). Get a job limpdick.
4. Customers who buy newspapers: In my experience these are the rudest of all customers. They think that it is acceptable to throw their money on the counter without me ringing up the product. They also feel that they do not need to wait in line like everybody else because they just have a newspaper. I don't know where this behavior is acceptable, but I will hunt you down and gut you. This group is usually old people. Old people shouldn't be allowed to leave the house.
3. Women who complain when they aren't carded for an age restricted purchase: you are old. It is inevitable that you have to accept this at some point. Chances are you have children who are old enough to drink, so shut the hell up and quit your bitching.
2. People who ask for a receipt: I tell them the price of their purchase and they sarcastically request a receipt. They then stand there holding up everybody else's day trying to decipher their receipt like it is the goddamn Rosetta Stone.
1. People who question anything I tell them: When I am working I am the one running the shift. What I say goes. I am in charge, end of discussion. Do not argue with me. Don't even speak to me. You have better things to do, such as wrapping your car around a tree.
Bonus peeve that is semi related to the newspaper people: Anybody who comes in, gets what they want to purchase, and throws their money on the counter of the register that I am not working at, while I am waiting on a line of people. They proceed to inform me that they are in a hurry. Here's an idea. Realize that the world does not revolve around you. Allow yourself a little more time to get where you need to go, or if you are running late, don't make an extra stop that you don't need to make. News flash: cigarettes and coffee are not necessities.
03 May 2009
The media as we know it sucks...
One ideology that irks me is the idea that "if it bleeds it leads." Would it be so terrible if the media reported on something positive once in a while? I am sitting here watching Anderson Cooper 360, and his last two topics have been two of the most depressing topics in the world.
1. The Swine Flu Pandemic: I am sure this is bad, and as much as I would like to care I simply can bring myself to. This has been elevated to near pandemic status, and if the media has its way we are all going to die. This apparently can be avoided by doing simple things like washing our hands. So what they're telling us is if we do not wash our hands humanity as we know it will be wiped out. You're probably thinking that this sickness is probably not that severe. I would argue that it must be since the media says it is severe, we are all doomed to death, and they may have possibly implied more than once that our eyes are going to melt out of our skulls (well, maybe not, but at least if that were the case they would have something cool to report on).
2. Even more troubling than the pandemic that threatens humanity are the ladies from "The View." Pandemic nothing, these women scare the hell out of me. Who has time to worry about the swine flu when you have to worry about getting your ass kicked by Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters? Now that's a real threat. Perhaps what troubles me the most about this isn't that CNN has devoted a segment to them, but two segments. One to conduct an interview with these mental midgets, and another to recap the interview on the following night.
In my mind this is problematic because we have Kim Jong Il in North Korea preparing nuclear weapons and possibly getting ready to point them at us, but as long as we nail down that interview with Barbara Walters, everything is good. Maybe if we are lucky the women of "The View" can give us an analysis of his character. With any luck it will culminate in a debate where the other 3 women justify his actions because he is on the left from center in the political spectrum (since he's a communist), in which Elizabeth Hasselbeck throws a temper tantrum of the likes that could only be thown by a Republican. If you are not sure what exactly I am talking about tune into the "O'Reilly Factor" on any given night. This usually happens whenever he has a guest on his show that proves him wrong. The result is O'Reilly obnoxiously yelling over what the guest is saying so that nobody can hear what is going on. If you have a point to prove, and you really believe that you are right, then this is the only acceptable way to prove your point. Drown out those around you and yell at them until they respect you. This is the only logical way to win a debate. I mean after all, Fox News is fair and balanced. Naturally this means that you will not get to hear the other side of the argument over O'Reilly's yelling, screaming, and eventually sobbing when he gets owned in a debate.
It has finally happened. While composing this blog entry CNN has finally broke a story that matters! George Clooney's opinion on US President Barack Obama. Yes! The segment has yet to begin at this point, but it appears that he will give a slightly flawed history lesson to really whet our appetites as to where he might be going with it, and then bam! He will hit us with his opinion of President Obama. Why formulate my own opinion when I can just get a celebrity to do it for me.
Television is not the only form of media that is absurd. Recently a magazine was brought to my attention. After suffering through a couple of pages of this garbage I wanted nothing more than go gouge my eyes out. This combined with the fact that I was at work at the time led me to be at a suicide alert of 10, which means the highest threat of suicide. This magazine is called "The Republic." Excuse my word choice here but I have never seen such a steaming shit pile. I would be tempted to classify this as Republican propaganda, but I don't even think the Republicans are this ignorant, which says a lot. (Please note that I am not necessarily implying that the Democrats are any better) This magazine, which is extremely far to the right, basically compares Obama to Hitler. The magazine article that I read basically makes a comparison of the United States today and the Weimar Republic (Germany during the 1920s and 30s.) The Obama Administration and its actions are likened to the actions of Adolf Hitler when he "seized" power (first in 1923 via the Beerhall Putsch in Munich, and again in 1932 through his political appointment to the rank of chancellor). This magazine then goes on to twist the facts of the problems that plagued the Weimar Republic. I will stop there on that subject as I could conduct a seminar on it, and aspire to do just that some day.
What is truly disappointing is it is probable that the best news sources on television are "The Daily Show" and the "Colbert Report." I am not knocking the shows in any way. Colbert is my hero.
The bottom line is the media is useless. Real news is not reported, and facts are twisted to prove a point until facts no longer exist. My advice: shut off your TV, turn on your computer, and read my blog; some real entertainment. Also, I hate Larry King.
1. The Swine Flu Pandemic: I am sure this is bad, and as much as I would like to care I simply can bring myself to. This has been elevated to near pandemic status, and if the media has its way we are all going to die. This apparently can be avoided by doing simple things like washing our hands. So what they're telling us is if we do not wash our hands humanity as we know it will be wiped out. You're probably thinking that this sickness is probably not that severe. I would argue that it must be since the media says it is severe, we are all doomed to death, and they may have possibly implied more than once that our eyes are going to melt out of our skulls (well, maybe not, but at least if that were the case they would have something cool to report on).
2. Even more troubling than the pandemic that threatens humanity are the ladies from "The View." Pandemic nothing, these women scare the hell out of me. Who has time to worry about the swine flu when you have to worry about getting your ass kicked by Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters? Now that's a real threat. Perhaps what troubles me the most about this isn't that CNN has devoted a segment to them, but two segments. One to conduct an interview with these mental midgets, and another to recap the interview on the following night.
In my mind this is problematic because we have Kim Jong Il in North Korea preparing nuclear weapons and possibly getting ready to point them at us, but as long as we nail down that interview with Barbara Walters, everything is good. Maybe if we are lucky the women of "The View" can give us an analysis of his character. With any luck it will culminate in a debate where the other 3 women justify his actions because he is on the left from center in the political spectrum (since he's a communist), in which Elizabeth Hasselbeck throws a temper tantrum of the likes that could only be thown by a Republican. If you are not sure what exactly I am talking about tune into the "O'Reilly Factor" on any given night. This usually happens whenever he has a guest on his show that proves him wrong. The result is O'Reilly obnoxiously yelling over what the guest is saying so that nobody can hear what is going on. If you have a point to prove, and you really believe that you are right, then this is the only acceptable way to prove your point. Drown out those around you and yell at them until they respect you. This is the only logical way to win a debate. I mean after all, Fox News is fair and balanced. Naturally this means that you will not get to hear the other side of the argument over O'Reilly's yelling, screaming, and eventually sobbing when he gets owned in a debate.
It has finally happened. While composing this blog entry CNN has finally broke a story that matters! George Clooney's opinion on US President Barack Obama. Yes! The segment has yet to begin at this point, but it appears that he will give a slightly flawed history lesson to really whet our appetites as to where he might be going with it, and then bam! He will hit us with his opinion of President Obama. Why formulate my own opinion when I can just get a celebrity to do it for me.
Television is not the only form of media that is absurd. Recently a magazine was brought to my attention. After suffering through a couple of pages of this garbage I wanted nothing more than go gouge my eyes out. This combined with the fact that I was at work at the time led me to be at a suicide alert of 10, which means the highest threat of suicide. This magazine is called "The Republic." Excuse my word choice here but I have never seen such a steaming shit pile. I would be tempted to classify this as Republican propaganda, but I don't even think the Republicans are this ignorant, which says a lot. (Please note that I am not necessarily implying that the Democrats are any better) This magazine, which is extremely far to the right, basically compares Obama to Hitler. The magazine article that I read basically makes a comparison of the United States today and the Weimar Republic (Germany during the 1920s and 30s.) The Obama Administration and its actions are likened to the actions of Adolf Hitler when he "seized" power (first in 1923 via the Beerhall Putsch in Munich, and again in 1932 through his political appointment to the rank of chancellor). This magazine then goes on to twist the facts of the problems that plagued the Weimar Republic. I will stop there on that subject as I could conduct a seminar on it, and aspire to do just that some day.
What is truly disappointing is it is probable that the best news sources on television are "The Daily Show" and the "Colbert Report." I am not knocking the shows in any way. Colbert is my hero.
The bottom line is the media is useless. Real news is not reported, and facts are twisted to prove a point until facts no longer exist. My advice: shut off your TV, turn on your computer, and read my blog; some real entertainment. Also, I hate Larry King.
02 May 2009
Keep your opinion to yourself...
Why do people constantly feel the need to share their ignorant opinions?
If I am at work and somebody comes in chances are I do not want to talk to them, especially about anything that might be relevant, because chances are they are not well enough informed about what is going on to make any kind of real contribution should a real conversation break out. There are many topics in which I do not care to converse with you about.
Sports: I do not wish to discuss the Lions draft this year. I could tell you more about football in 5 minutes than you could ever hope to learn in a lifetime, so don't try and discuss it with me. I am sick of these armchair GMs acting like they know what the Lions should do.
Politics: You are uneducated and have no understanding of politics. I do not want to hear about how you hate the president, "are still waiting to be blown away" by the governor, are waiting for "change." I just do not want to hear you.
Lottery: I hate the lottery. I do not want to talk about what numbers you play or how you almost won.
Questioning me and what I say: If I ask you or tell you something, do not protest it. Give me your ID when I ask for it, fill out a slip when you are told to fill out a bet slip, and leave when you are told to get out because you are such a winner that you somehow managed to get yourself banned from a convenience store.
The bottom line is I just don't want to talk to you. Come in, buy your stuff, and get out. My advice: Do me a favor and don't even come in.
If I am at work and somebody comes in chances are I do not want to talk to them, especially about anything that might be relevant, because chances are they are not well enough informed about what is going on to make any kind of real contribution should a real conversation break out. There are many topics in which I do not care to converse with you about.
Sports: I do not wish to discuss the Lions draft this year. I could tell you more about football in 5 minutes than you could ever hope to learn in a lifetime, so don't try and discuss it with me. I am sick of these armchair GMs acting like they know what the Lions should do.
Politics: You are uneducated and have no understanding of politics. I do not want to hear about how you hate the president, "are still waiting to be blown away" by the governor, are waiting for "change." I just do not want to hear you.
Lottery: I hate the lottery. I do not want to talk about what numbers you play or how you almost won.
Questioning me and what I say: If I ask you or tell you something, do not protest it. Give me your ID when I ask for it, fill out a slip when you are told to fill out a bet slip, and leave when you are told to get out because you are such a winner that you somehow managed to get yourself banned from a convenience store.
The bottom line is I just don't want to talk to you. Come in, buy your stuff, and get out. My advice: Do me a favor and don't even come in.
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