I hate tools...

While at Sam's Club the other day, I saw something that made me so mad that I practically had to bury my fist into somebody's mouth. I saw a man walking around Sam's Club wearing a pair of surfer shorts. I was not angry at this particular man, as that would be irrational. What I was angry at was our society in general for condoning that anybody wear these shorts. What angered me the most was that upon reflection I realized where I was. We were in Michigan, not Hawaii you stupid prick. Put on something that makes you look like a man. I really got mad when I saw that this man was probably in his 40's. You aren't a teenager and you don't look cool, asshole. At least most of the people donning this type of apparel are teenagers, who don't even know who they are as people yet, let alone what is appropriate and inappropriate attire for Michigan, arguably one of the most craptacular states in the union. This man was a tool.

There are other things that people do to make them tools. People who wear their sunglasses inside, or at night are tools. There is nothing cool about this. Furthermore, why does anybody need to wear sunglasses inside unless they are going to rob the place? If I see this I want to kick your ass based on principle alone.

Trust fund babies are tools as well. Near work there is a Sorrento's Pizza. The owner is a trust fund baby who had his business paid for by his rich daddy. One day it was mentioned to him that somebody was taking out student loans to pay for college. Said tool then proceeded to try and discourage aforementioned coworker from taking out loans. Hey asshole, in the real world some people need to do things for themselves. Trust fund babies don't know how the real world works.

Mac users are tools. The men who use Macs walk around with raging erections over their computer, and in some cases more than likely have used their raging erection as a desk to put their laptop on. They can't ever shut their face about what a great product their computer is, and how anybody who uses a Microsoft based machine or anything other than Mac OS X is a tool. I used to be a Mac user, and let me say that while I do love Mac OS X, my refurbished bottom line Dell Inspiron 1525 can kick almost any Mac's ass any day of the week.

There are many other types of tools out there that piss me off, but for now I will conclude this rant with this final thought. If you are a tool, and you are in reach of my fist, that's your own fault.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is an asshole

I was going to rant about what an asshole Ahmadinejad is, but I decided to just provide a photo of him, and save the few people who read my blogs some time. You may use this spare time to reflect on how great I am.

On censorship...

Censorship can be seen in many different places, through many different mediums. One such example would be the company you work for blocking out certain websites while you are at work. I can understand why the workplace would choose to block out things such as pornographic websites, but one particular company that I once worked for would sometimes go as far as blocking out a website containing news. I would basically be there for an average of 60 hours a week. This means I would work 12 hour days, and I couldn't even go online to get the news headlines when I wanted to, since I was blocked from the outside world. Fascists.

Censorship can be a serious thing. In the Soviet Union for example, the media was entirely nationalized, meaning that the only thing that was able to go into print was that which was authorized by the government. This is frightening because it is not long before the older generation forgets what truth is, and the ideals that the government wants to push is implanted into the minds of the youth. Further contributing to this problem was the fact that the iron curtain went up virtually overnight, and other areas of the world had no idea what was going on within the Soviet Union.

Another example that I would point out is Iran. In reaction to what started out as a peaceful protest to the rigged reelection of president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the government has banned all media in Iran. This is terrible. Here we have a nation trying to overthrow a tyrannical government that calls itself a democracy. Yes, Iran is a democracy. What good democracy doesn't have a leader known as the Supreme Leader, who trumps the legislative body and the president? Because of the removal of the media, the good people of Iran have to use the contemptible website known as Twitter to spread word of what is going on within the nation. This is wrong on so many levels. First, and most importantly, Twitter is a pile of feces. This is the stupidest website of our time, even stupider than this blog. By using this website one can say whatever they want to describe what they are doing, as long as they can do so in 140 words or less. For example Larry King's Twitter update might say something along the lines of "Larry King is talking just to hear himself speak." Mine would say something along the lines of "Being a superhero."

I cannot use this website, because anything that I might be doing is so important and epic, that there is no way a mere 140 words can do my activity justice. Twitter in itself is censoring what you have to say by placing a limit on your words. The very concept of Twitter actually implies that what you're doing is so unimportant that if you can't get it out in less than 140 words then nobody should care. Furthermore, Facebook, a website that I am not a particular fan of, has a similar feature, where one can update their status and tell everybody their every move, such as when they are deficating, as if anybody really gives a damn. So, not only is Twitter fascist, much like my former workplace, but they steal the ideas of other people! I for one refuse to give in, and continue my boycott of Twitter, unless of course it gets purchased by the only thing on the planet that is superior to me, Google.

There are of course many other areas that encourage censorship. Many websites/public forums will censor what people post on them. To find an example of this I Googled the phrase "forum terms of use." I clicked on the Bob Seger forum, and here is what I discovered.

"Although we may monitor or review posted messages from time to time, we do not actively monitor the contents of the forums, and we are not under any obligation to do so. Each user is solely responsible and liable for the contents of his or her postings, and we are not responsible in any way for the content or opinions expressed therein. We have the right, but not the obligation, to remove, edit or move, at any time, any material posted to the forums, in each case as we deem appropriate."

So basically you can say whatever you want, unless the one who runs the forum doesn't like it. So much for the First Amendment. Sounds kind of like Iran, or maybe Nazi Germany to me.

The point is, that we are lucky that censorship is not such a dominant problem here. If it was, assholes like me couldn't sit on their computer all day blogging about a bunch of crap that nobody cares about, and twisting points of view until they are a fraction of what they once were, and their original meaning has consequently been destroyed.

On the Confederate Flag...

Something that disgusts me more than anything is the display of the Confederate Flag. You know, the stars and bars, that thing that rednecks, racists, hillbillies, and country music singers, not to mention a few morons worship. This flag was a symbol of the rebellion back in the 1860's, and in spite of the Southern defeat it's something that some have not been able to let go.

When you ask people why they prominently display this flag they claim that it is a part of their heritage, not hate, and something that they take pride in. That's fine I guess, if you want an item representing your heritage that also represents a lost cause, a failure, and a war that killed more Americans than any other war to date. That would be like idolizing the man who brutally slaughtered one of your loved ones or something...it's just messed up. With that said, if that is how you want to represent yourself and you're from the south, then fine. What about all the trash in the north who worship it? They make the same claim, except they had nothing to do with this "heritage," because if I am not mistaken the Yankees owned over those southern bitches in the war. So what have you to be proud of when waving that flag? If you need a symbol to represent your ideology, then why don't you just wear a witty t-shirt?


What people in the north are really trying to do when proudly displaying this flag is piss people off. That is the only logical reason that I could come up with to explain why somebody would want to put this hateful image on display.

I one time was at work, and this customer, who I already knew to be white trash came in. On the windshield of his truck (which he raised up) as a bitchin' decal that read "Redneck." In the bed of a truck he was flying the Jolly Roger. For those of you who live a life of ignorance and aren't up on things that are badass, this is the skull and cross bone flags that pirates such as myself fly. The problem with this was he was flying the Confederate Flag next to the Jolly Roger, which completely negated this guys potential for being a badass. This act is an insult to pirates, scalawags, lumberjacks, marauders, and anybody else that is badass. Because of this, this guy isn't even fit to suck the barnacles off of a pirate's wang.

A popular saying that goes along with this ideal is "The South will rise again!" So what you're saying is the South wants to rise up and divide the country again?

Other assholes claim that it has nothing to do with racism. Of course it does. What many people do not understand about the Civil War was that it had very little to do with slavery. This however, is different than having to do with racism. The South was full of discontent because of the heavy tariffs placed on items by the north, that the south needed to buy. It only became about slavery after the war had started, when Lincoln basically issued the Emancipation Proclamation as an effort to piss the South off. I mean Lincoln is great and all, but who does he think he is? Demanding acts be carried out in what at the time was technically a foreign nation, even though the North refused to recognize this, to do something against their will. Good thing times have changed and the United States would never do anything like that today right? The problem with race comes in after the war. Reconstruction was hindered when the South enacted Jim Crow Laws, which mandated segregation in all public places. Don't tell me race is not involved here.

Then you have the people who are really out there, claiming that anybody who has a problem with the Confederate Flag is racist. The basic argument here dates back to all of our days in elementary school, where are quickest rebuttal to somebody calling us out for something was "it takes one to know one."

The Confederate flag is not something you should take pride in. The flag represents the division of this country, and is one of the most unpatriotic displays a citizen of the United States can achieve.

In summary:

Woman prepays for gas...hilarity ensues

Me: Hello, anything else?
Woman: Yes. I would like to put 20 dollars of gas in my car since I can't fill it up here.
Me: Well you have to prepay.
Woman: Yeah, whatever. (walks over to pin pad while mumbling and swearing under her breath because it is the end of the world)
Me: (hands her receipt and starts helping next in line since it is super busy)
Woman: You have a good day too asshole!

Really? You expect me to tell you to have a good day when you're over there cussing up a storm about something that isn't a big deal? Wrap your car around a tree. At least when other customers call me an asshole I did something to merit that, this one was just out of nowhere.

On universal health care...

Lately there has been a lot of dialogue about universal health care, and President Obama even wants to get the ball rolling on universal health care before Congress breaks in August. While I think that health care does need to be readily available for everybody, I think it is important to make sure that we do it the right way.

As of right now I am fairly indifferent toward the idea of a socialized health care program and socialized medicine. I would point out that my stance in this area is subject to change as I become more educated on the issue. It is possible to make several arguments both for and against universal health care.

President Obama, who I happen to support, recently claimed that if something is not done about health care the United States may follow in the footsteps of the bankrupt automotive company General Motors. My reaction: What the hell is this guy talking about. Upon reading further I still am not quite sure I can draw the connection. Obama claims that doctors need to cut the costs of healthcare by reducing the number of unnecessary tests run on patients. Are you drawing the connection yet? Me neither. This is problematic because it may lead to restrictions on malpractice liability. Such limitations would basically limit what doctors can do to help you, since they would have to worry about lawsuits resulting from everything they do.

Obama goes on to make the claim that America "might go the way of GM, paying more, getting less, and going broke."

On second thought, maybe malpractice restrictions would be a good thing. Holy shit!I think I am on to something here. We just offer no protection to the doctors. Think about it, this is truly ponderous. Doctors get sued because they have no malpractice protection, and this puts them out of business. The benefactor of the money then has more than enough to pay for future medical attention that they may need. This is a double edged sword though, and any idiot can appreciate this. With as sue happy as people are today, it won't be long before pretty much all doctors are sued out of business, thus eliminating the need for health care in the first place. Need I say brilliant!?! Under my plan America no longer runs any risk of going broke, because we can't be overcharged for health care, because there will be nobody to take care of us.

Actually what the Dems are hoping to do is create a competition for the private health care companies, that would leave them with no other choice than to lower the cost of health care. Those who aren't covered by their employer or can't afford their own coverage will have the public plan as an option. In premise this is not a terrible idea.

One idea that I do like comes from Senator Kennedy, a Democrat from Massachusetts. His plan "includes a public option as one choice for consumers. The measure also would mandate coverage for all people, either at their own cost or supplied by employers."

The Republicans have argued that any form of public health care will eventually force these private companies out of business, claiming that it would eventually lead to a complete government takeover of the health care system.

With both of these arguments in front of me, I still am drawing a blank on the argument that health care as it stands and has stood for decades is going to cause the company to go bankrupt like General Motors. Obama does not make a strong argument for this, but that is the title of the article I linked above, so I figured it would be doom and gloom about how we are financially in trouble, but instead got an article full of bullshit relating to health care and why it is wicked awesome, and heinously evil. So, to sum up both sides, here are the basic arguments.

On Foreigners....

A common attitude that I see out of people is that foreign people are inferior. To further that sentiment one might also argue that "they" come over here and steal our jobs. I for one tire of that attitude.

There is not a long term conspiracy by foreign people to come over here and steal our jobs, so stop your bitching and moaning and accept the facts. People act as if a foreign person is waiting in every dark alley for the opportunity to ambush an American and take his job. I have adopted the stance that companies should have to pay foreigners, including illegal immigrants that they may employ, the same wages as everybody else.

Now, upon reading this some of you are going to say that my views are un-American and just outright wrong. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it's time to get a clue. In forcing these companies to pay equal wages to everybody, as opposed to lower wages for some of the foreigners that they employ, including but not limiteld to illegal immigrants, I have thus taken away any incentive a company might have in employing such a person. Brilliant, but please save your applause.

My next point is that many people who migrate to this company come here with a very solid education. Many have a PhD. or a master's degree. As of 2007 only 29 percent of Americans had a Bachelor's degree. Let me reiterate, 29 percent. Holy shit that's a small number! We are an elitist culture that has grown lazy in our never ending pursuit of the almighty dollar, to the point where we think we are entitled to it as opposed to actually earning it, and have thus been surpassed by most other cultures. Many find it acceptable to spend their shift at work watching movies and avoiding their boss, yet find no problem come pay day when they cash their paycheck that they in no way earned.

My next, and probably strongest argument is that American's are crybaby bitches. If you don't like the foreign people "stealing" your jobs, do something about it. Put down your remote, get up off of your couch, and go get an education. Another problem ties back into the lazy American attitude. Maybe if you took a little pride in your job your employer wouldn't feel the need to replace you with somebody more qualified. Stop half-assing your job and just do it right. You should not fear somebody taking your job because you should be able to easily say and believe that nobody can do your job better than you can.

My favorite argument that people make is that the borders should be closed off and people should not be allowed to migrate into the country any longer. I don't know if you assholes have ever taken a middle school level history class or not, but that would pretty much defeat the entire purpose of the United States. Since it is apparent that many people have not, let me provide you with a brief history lesson.

Basically the United States was founded as a haven for those who sought to escape persecution from their homelands (yes, the founding fathers were immigrants, this is fucking ponderous for you, I know). At the time the most relevant form of persecution came in the form of religious persecution. The United States was basically founded by several distant Protestant groups, however when it actually became a country, many of the founding fathers weren't even Christian. I just shot your argument that Arabs and Jews shouldn't be allowed in right to hell didn't I?

As modern times serve us, people come to this country to escape different kinds of persecutions, although religious persecution is also a prevalent problem even today. These types of persecutions include the lack of education. Here in the United States we have a pretty good public education system that many of our ungrateful children take for granted. In many developing countries you have to pay for school, if you are allowed to attend at all, and in some you can't even pay for school if you're a female. Other countries don't have the same job opportunities either. For those who are able to obtain a quality education, it is much easier to come over here and obtain a job that could otherwise be filled by a lazy American slob.

Ryan encounters street rat in parking lot...more hilarity ensues

Today I am walking into the store to do my order and clock out of work, when my good friend the street rat is in the parking lot. The following exchange is what ensued.

Street rat: What's up douchebag?!
Me: Hey trailer park, stay classy.

This is an example of me yet again owning over the street rat.

Score: Ryan 3 Street rat 0

Here is my rendition of what will become of the street rat once I move on in life.

A headline that I enjoyed

Between my two classes I have a three hour break. Naturally I spend this time either doing homework or reading news headlines. Today the headline that caught my attention was "Drug Lords using Gift Cards to Smuggle Money." http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2009/06/10/drug-lords-using-gift-cards-to-smuggle-money/

In a nutshell what is going on is drug lords from Mexico are using gift cards such as those obtained from most banks to transport money. These cards are useful because apparently they use chips to store a large amount of money. What makes them so convenient for someone trying to hide the movement of such a large amount of money is that they are not considered monetary instruments, which means they can legally be brought across the border. At this point I would like to applaud our government for overlooking such a glaring loophole. Good work boys.

This next snippet is what I find most problematic. Evidently this scam is nothing new; it has just been ignored for a couple of years.

"Chetry: So you want Congress to take up this issue. You made some recommendations about this situation. What do you hope to achieve and are they listening to your concerns about this?

Goddard: Well, they finally are. This is not a new concern. FinCEN, the Treasury Department report over three years ago, said here’s a loophole that is causing large amounts of money to go across the border undetected. And my goal and our goal in law enforcement is to cut off the flow of cash to the organized criminal cartels that are bringing drugs and people in to the United States. This is one way we can do it."

So we have known about this loophole for three years. I can understand why it has taken so long for the government to address this. Congress has been extremely busy lately. I would like to cite House Bill 1243. If passed by 2/3 vote golfer Arnold Palmer would be rewarded the Congressional Gold Medal, which is the highest award that Congress can bestow on anybody.

While I admit that finding one issue to pick on Congress for probably isn't fair, I have researched some of the other issues that Congress has had to vote on this year, in an effort to see what the holdup is. Other issues that Congress has voted on recently include a resolution that would have allowed for the placement of a statue of Ronald Reagan in Washington D.C. Why don't we just erect a statue of Satan right on the White House Lawn? It would serve the same purpose, and be much more concise and to the point. Reagan is one of the worst presidents ever, for a multitude of reasons, and if you would like to debate that with me let me know, we'll talk about it. Another good one is House Resolution 298. Holy shit! A resolution! This must be something important. This resolution congratulates the sign industry for its contributions to the success of small business. To provide one more example of what our wonderful Congress does, I will turn to my favorite vote of all, House Resolution 18. Resolution 18 honors the life, achievements, and contributions of Paul Newman.

Really? Congress can debate whether or not to honor Paul Newman but they do not have time to address important issues such as how to handle drug lords smuggling money into the country, or gay marriage. There are people out there, who have significant others that they love and cherish as much as I do my fiancée. The difference between them and myself is that there are not outdated laws prohibiting me from marrying her.

With that point, I conclude this rant. Way to fail Congress.

Why do these idiots keep getting TV shows?

In flipping through the channels on my high definition television set, in which I pay to have digital cable so that I will receive more channels than the basic package, thus increasing the likelihood that I will be able to find something to watch, much to my surprise there is nothing on. I continue flipping through channels when I come to a show called "Paris Hilton's new BFF." At first I thought maybe this show isn't as stupid as it sounds. After about 30 seconds I was proven wrong.



The premise of this show is that the spoiled rotten Paris Hilton hand picks a group of ladies, and a couple of flamboyant guys that hope to be her new BFF. She then subjects them to random humiliating tasks and makes them jump through several different varieties of hoops, in hopes of advancing to the next and even more demeaning round. At one point Paris was bragging about how she makes people compete for her friendship.



As bad as this show is, this is not the first time that I have encountered programming as ridiculous as this. There are also shows like Rock of Love, John and Kate Plus 8, which I think is one of the worst TV shows of all time. How about instead of exploiting your children you get real jobs like everybody else who has to support their kids? This disgusts me.

Reality television in general sucks, but we as an American society seem to eat it up, while we could be doing many things that are much better. Instead of watching TV shows people should read this blog and appreciate me for the supreme being that I am. Maybe instead of watching "Paris Hilton's new BFF" you could watch the news and become informed about something, that way when I am forced to talk with you at work you don't say something stupid that will result in me reaching across the counter and backhanding you in the face. While in general watching the news would be better than viewing reality TV, just make sure that is not Larry King. Larry King is an asshole who loves the sound of his own voice.

A new type of asshole unveiled....

Lately I have been contemplating yet another type of person that I hate: litter bugs. These people walk around and drive around placing their trash wherever they choose to. Consequently the place of their choosing is seldom actually in a trash can. Two of the most common types of litter that I view on the ground are McDonald's bags, and even worse, cigarette butts.

This very closely ties back into how selfish smokers are. apparently it is not enough to ruin good breathable air, destroy the naturally healthy lungs that they are born with (there are many people who are not born with good fully functioning lungs who deserve to have them), expose themselves and others to high cancer risk, but they also feel that it is necessary to do long term damage to the environment too. These people are so inconsiderate that they should do us all a favor and just put a bullet in their head. This would be a brilliant idea, because not only is it quicker, cheaper, and far more efficient overall, it would lower the cost of health care for the rest of us since premiums are higher because of the smokers.

I for one am fed up with watching people toss their cigarettes and McDonald's bags out the window. The world is supposed to be our oyster, not our ashtray you low class piles of fecal matter. I like it when a person's litter ends up in my yard. How would you feel if I walked into your yard and took a massive crap on your lawn? It probably wouldn't make you feel very good would it?

All the hatred aside, this is okay, as it provides me another opportunity to elevate myself up above the rest by not littering, and picking up random litter I see in my yard, in parking lots, and anywhere else I come across it. Which brings us to the moral of this rant: no matter what, I am better than you.