Capital punishment: wrong and unjust

As many may know, I tend to lean toward the left side of the political spectrum, and like many similar minded people, I am against capital punishment. I think that it is wrong to kill a criminal. If somebody murders somebody, or rapes somebody, or commits any type of crime that merits the death penalty in a state that allows such a punishment, these are obviously the lowest forms of life (even lower than a 7-Eleven customer). As such, they do not deserve something as peaceful as death. They should be made to suffer in prison for the rest of their miserable lives. Before those of you who agree with the death penalty flip out, hear me out on this one.

There are many better things we can do to get better use of our prisoners. Back in the day they were forced to stamp out license plates. This was a great idea. When I am king, torture will be employed on a regular basis.

North Korea has a great idea with the concept of sentencing people to hard labor. This is borderline slavery, and it is constitutionally allowed according to the 14th Amendment.

Another option, and my favorite choice is torture. Throughout history there have been many great torture methods, one of the most recent of which is the ever controversial waterboarding method.

If one searches wikipedia for torture methods, a variety of great ideas come up. One such example is abacination. In this method the victim is blinded by having a red hot metal plate held before their eyes. This is awesome. Heaven forbid the prisoner mouth off to me and I slip, touching the plate to their face. In line with this is the concept of branding somebody, which is self explanitory.

Denailing sounds like a great method to me. Imagine ripping the fingernails off of a pedophile. Nothing would be more gratifying.

A Glasgow smile is a nickname for the practice of cutting a victim's face from the edges of the mouth to the ears. The cut – and the scars it leaves – form an "extension" of what resembles a smile.

The Chinese would use a form of torture involving rats, in which the rats would be provoked to bite and even eat the victim alive. Perhaps this could be reserved for cannibals.

Then there are a few that I thought up on my own.
1. A lifetime sentence of employment in a convenience store. Solitary confinement is known for making people go insane. Dealing with inane comments and ignorance from the masses everyday is even worse. Several years in this job and you'll be wishing you were lucky enough to get solitary confinement.

2. Watching Food Network for an hour. There is nothing less enjoyable than watching this channel. If the boredom doesn't make you suicidal I don't know what will.

3. Several consecutive semesters of an 8 am art history class. There is nothing quite like listening to some boring old fossil talk about forms of art that aren't much older than her at 8:00 every morning. The best part is she thinks anybody gives a damn. Good luck doing this for several years.

All of these are a much more viable option when compared to the death penalty. Personally, given the choice of getting electrocuted to death or spending life in prison, I would take death any day. These heinous criminals don't deserve such an easy out. Man up, and torture somebody.