A shoutout to the average white middle class teenager who thinks he is awesome(and some adults who need to grow up too)

A common sight in Michigan is the pickup truck. This is a manly vehicle known for its large size as well as its ability to mow over things with relative ease. It is often said of a man who drives a pickup truck "the bigger the truck, the smaller the penis." I would tend to agree with this theory for the most part, unless you are a blue collar working man who needs to haul goods from point A to point B, or you on occasion need to haul a camper or a trailer around. Under these circumstances it is perfectly acceptable for one to utilize the services that are offered by a truck.

What is not acceptable is buying a large truck for the sake of driving something large. Trying to overcompensate for something? I think so. Furthermore it is not acceptable to drive like an asshole simply because you are bigger than everybody. One time while commuting on the highway to school, there is a spot where the highway goes from three lanes to two. Everyday while taking this commute I am held up in a traffic jam because of a failure to merge in a timely manner. Even though the majority of those commuting on said highway utilize it every single day, the fact that the lanes merge from three lanes to two seems to come as an incredible surprise, thus causing a backup. The other problem is that sometimes the people who do not merge use the last few moments of the extra lane to speed up and cut everybody off. I hate this. I would love nothing more than for somebody who does this to me to one day have the same destination as I do, and when we meet face to face I will commence to bash their head against the pavement until the blood pours out of their ears. On this day whilst on my commute, I witnessed a Dodge Ram pickup truck sitting in both lanes so that nobody could drive around and cut everybody off. While this move was heroic in my mind, this guy is clearly an asshole, who would likely piss me off at some point later because eventually his true colors will show, revealing to the world the douchebag that he is.

What I hate more than the pickup truck driver who conducts himself both on the road and in person who is an asshole superior to everybody (let's face it, nobody even comes close to ascending to my own level of awesomeness), is the punk teenager or adult who needs to grow up who thinks that it is wicked awesome to modify his truck. We all know the type. This is the type of asshole who thinks that it is cool to turn his pickup truck into a low rider. Upon converting this machine into a ghetto cruiser that sits an inch off of the ground, the next step is to get the windows tinted so that nobody can see in or out. I am sure the cops who risk their lives everyday really appreciate this when they have to approach your vehicle upon pulling you over for conducting yourself like the degenerate moron that you are. By now you are likely shaking your head in disgust, as I know I am. What is next you ask? Enter the obnoxious sound system. This is the type of sound system that utilizes a bass unit that overpowers everything to the point where you cannot hear anything but bass. You can not hear lyrics, musical instruments, shitty sounds produced in studio by a keyboard or some other device, nothing, period, end of story, aside from an obnoxious thudding that will wake the neighbors when you pull into your neighborhood after a night of pot smoking, drinking, and undoubted womanizing.

If you are this type of person have somebody punch you square in the mouth for being such an inconsiderate prick. Adding insult to injury the next step in converting your truck into a mobile of true ass kickery is putting shiny rims on your truck. Why would you do this? Pickup trucks were made to be driven by men who need to get things done. They were not intended to be driven by crybaby upper middle class white teenagers who had their car and all of their "kickass" mods paid for by mommy and daddy. My advice: get a job, and get a car that is more suited for you. I would recommend the v6 Ford Mustang, which is even more of a piece of shit than you are.