Top 10 things customers do that piss me off

10. Come in the store: I know we are trying to run a business, and in order for that business to thrive we need customers, but no, stay out. I do not care if my boss, goes of business or if I lose my job, as I really don't value it that much. There are a million other convenience stores out there if I want to make quick easy money by dealing with a bunch of assholes I hate and working shitty hours.

9. Buying beer and cigarettes and then telling their children they don't have money to buy them a candy bar: Good parenting asshole. Did you learn that in a class for parental improvement or did you come up with that technique all on your own?

8. Listing off lottery numbers like I give a shit: "Hello, how are you today?" "6-24-3...." SHUT THE HELL UP!

7. I hate it when customers tell me that the cappuccino machine is empty or take it upon themselves to make a pot of coffee for me: I think I know how to do my job, so don't do any part of it for me, or come into the store and insinuate that one of my tasks is not done correctly, because you can rest assured that it is.

6. I am mopping the floor and the customer informs me that I missed a spot: That is not funny. I have heard that joke a million times before. You are not clever, witty, humorous, or intelligent. Eat shit.

5. Bring in bottle returns: I understand that since we charge a deposit we are obligated to take bottles back, and that it is your right to bring them back. I must ask though, what kind of failure takes their filthy bottles back, makes a clerk sort through them, all so they can buy something from a convenience store (usually beer, cigarettes, lottery, or a blunt wrap). Get a job limpdick.

4. Customers who buy newspapers: In my experience these are the rudest of all customers. They think that it is acceptable to throw their money on the counter without me ringing up the product. They also feel that they do not need to wait in line like everybody else because they just have a newspaper. I don't know where this behavior is acceptable, but I will hunt you down and gut you. This group is usually old people. Old people shouldn't be allowed to leave the house.

3. Women who complain when they aren't carded for an age restricted purchase: you are old. It is inevitable that you have to accept this at some point. Chances are you have children who are old enough to drink, so shut the hell up and quit your bitching.

2. People who ask for a receipt: I tell them the price of their purchase and they sarcastically request a receipt. They then stand there holding up everybody else's day trying to decipher their receipt like it is the goddamn Rosetta Stone.

1. People who question anything I tell them: When I am working I am the one running the shift. What I say goes. I am in charge, end of discussion. Do not argue with me. Don't even speak to me. You have better things to do, such as wrapping your car around a tree.

Bonus peeve that is semi related to the newspaper people: Anybody who comes in, gets what they want to purchase, and throws their money on the counter of the register that I am not working at, while I am waiting on a line of people. They proceed to inform me that they are in a hurry. Here's an idea. Realize that the world does not revolve around you. Allow yourself a little more time to get where you need to go, or if you are running late, don't make an extra stop that you don't need to make. News flash: cigarettes and coffee are not necessities.